


A Pull of the Soul to a Far-Off Place

by starvinbohemian



Series: The Loose Ends Will Make Knots [2]
Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: M/M, What if?, sliding doors - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 01:15:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starvinbohemian/pseuds/starvinbohemian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>"Back then, you still had the luxury of idly, even playfully, wondering how much damage you and Brian would have done to each other if you had just met earlier."</em> </p><p>Sonny plays the what-if game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Pull of the Soul to a Far-Off Place

**Author's Note:**

> A stand-alone piece. It was supposed to be _Knots_ 10, but then it grew and morphed into its own thing, though still set in the same 'verse. 
> 
> If you haven't read _Knots_ , then all you need to know is that we branch off into AU territory after the baby's paternity reveal at Nick and Gabi's wedding and that there is a love triangle at play between Brian, Sonny, and Will.

You wondered once.

While his fingers were twined in your apron strings, gently pulling you closer, and his gaze was glued to your mouth.

You remember heat climbing up your face as you teetered there on the edge of decision. Despite everything that came before, Brian made it clear that his decision was already made.

You have to admire a man who knows what he wants and won’t let pride get in the way.

Especially when what he wants is you.

(What did _you_ want?)

You smiled coyly, playing for time. Brian’s eyes were eager as they stared into yours, as if he could mentally will you closer. Maybe he could, because before that night you were fairly certain this particular dance between you was over.

Yet, there you were, suddenly dizzy with all the possibilities. A new day, a new dance.

Back then, you still had the luxury of idly, even playfully, wondering how much damage you and Brian would have done to each other if you had just met earlier.

It was just a split second… but you wondered.

 

________________________________________________________

 

For instance, what if you had returned to Salem two years earlier than you did?

 

________________________________________________________

 

Three years ago.

Three years ago, you were standing in an airport terminal in Dublin. You recall it was raining outside that day. There were muddy prints all over the shiny floor from shoes and luggage wheels scaling back and forth.

No jacket and soaked to the bone, you stood there, small and shivering, in the face of the giant destination board. All the possibilities up there blinking in and out like stars.

Wondering: _Where to, Sonny boy?_

(Where to _this_ time?)  

If you were telling this story to someone else and feeling romantic about it, then you could have said that it was the impulsive bohemian spirit that had you travelling that day with nothing but a half-empty backpack.

That was part of it. Mainly, you just left in a hurry and without telling anyone you were going. Romantic. Selfish. Whatever. You had your reasons.

You didn't have a plan when you stepped into the airport. With no strings to hold you, you could go anywhere. Absolute freedom to drift from experience to experience could be really beautiful.

(And terrifying.)

On that day in the Dublin airport, it was just lonely. Time to go.

So, where to?

Well…

It just so happened that your mind was full of mountains that day, so you hopped a plane to Africa.

(Africa it is.)

 

_______________________________________________

 

Maybe in another life, you didn't.

Maybe…

Maybe you were finally looking to put down some roots, to become a solid, real person, and so you returned to Salem two years early instead.

(Salem it is.)

 

 _______________________________________________

 

There’s a Kiriakis family saying that all roads eventually lead back to Salem.

It’s _zugunruhe_ : a pull of the soul to a far-off place. You all may spread out all over the globe, but every Kiriakis eventually returns to the homestead. Your parents are still on separate continents, but there’s always been a place reserved for you at the Kiriakis mansion.

Uncle Victor, your patriarch, meets you at the airport.

The old man is just as gruff as you remember him. You greet him with a warm hug, which seems to take him off guard. He pats your shoulder awkwardly and then nods grimly when you pull back.

You’re not intimidated. There’s a little, barely perceptible spring in his step and a twinkle in his eye even as he’s barking at the driver to finish his coffee already so you can get going. He’s obviously happy to see you.

The feeling is mutual. After so long on your own, you’re ready for the special kind of comfort that comes from reuniting with blood. The kind that tells you that you’re safe, that you’re with family.

The Kiriakis Mansion is somehow even bigger than you remembered.

Nostalgia hits you hard as you climb the stairs to the room that you once shared with Alex.

But not as hard as when you see that the room is exactly the same as when you left it. Model airplanes hanging from the ceiling and all.

Alex was too old to be sharing a room with you even back then, but you were afraid of the dark and the twins were already sharing a room. Alex volunteered to share with you even though there were a dozen empty rooms in the Kiriakis mansion that he could have had to himself. He joked that it was just practical, because you would have been knocking at his door every night and waking him up anyway. He was probably right.

 You snap a picture of one of the airplanes and text it to Alex. A moment later, he replies, _“You've gotta be kidding me. That’s still there???”_

_“It’s all still here. Even me.”_

(Back then, you and Alex still talked fairly often. You figure it would have been the same whether it was Africa or Salem.)

Plopping down onto your old bed, you take it all in, anxious but ready for a new beginning.

 

_______________________________________________

 

There would have been one crucial difference right from the get-go.

Abigail would have still been studying in Spain, so she wouldn't have been in Salem to pull you into her clique of friends. Even if she had been there, it’s unlikely that you would have spent your time hanging out with a bunch of high schoolers.

So, no Gabi. No T. No Kinsey. No Chad. No…

No Will.

Even if you had crossed paths— and you probably would have eventually— Will would have been too young to consider. Two years deeper into the closet, not even yet a junior in high school, and completely off limits.

No, your focus would have been elsewhere.

 

_______________________________________________

 

You would have entered Salem University in the fall as a freshman at the same time as Brian.

You could have met in a class. Made fateful eye contact across the room while the professor droned on about something or other.

You could have met in a meeting for Salem U’s Gay-Straight Alliance chapter and bonded over a shared passion for social justice.

Maybe the eye contact happens in a bar one night while you’re out with friends. A hand on your knee and “Do you wanna get out of here?” A split second to consider, and then, “Yeah. I do.” The end result being a good time had by all, no consequences, a fleeting lust that’s quickly satisfied, and then never seeing each other again.

(You were freer with yourself back then.)

The possibilities are endless really. But you would have met. Eventually, somewhere. Of that much, you’re certain.

Maybe Neil introduces you.

 

_______________________________________________

 

It happens at a party.

You’re chatting with some guys from your Freshmen Comp class when Neil finds you. He leads you over to meet his other friend, the one he’s been telling you about.

“Sonny, this is Brian. Brian, this is my friend Sonny. Sonny _Kiriakis_ ,” he says meaningfully.

And maybe the how and the why are ultimately irrelevant.

Because, either way, you still find yourself in some variation of this moment, standing here, looking up at this tall, gorgeous guy, and he’s looking at you as if you just became the only other person in the room.

Breathless, “Hi.”

A slow smile as he sizes you up. “Hi.”

You’re vaguely aware that Neil is saying something about Brian planning to try out for the crew team, but neither of you are really listening. After a minute, Neil realizes as much and rolls his eyes at how obvious you’re both being. He leaves you to it with the vague excuse of refilling his drink. Neither of you notice him go.

“I thought the youngest Kiriakis brother was named Jackson?” he says.

As if you’re a Kardashian, just one in a long line of K-names. You’re not surprised he’s semi-familiar with you already. A lot of people seem to be. It’s taken some getting used to, but your family seems to be kind of famous in Salem. It’s weird.

“I go by ‘Sonny.’”

Brian draws your name out slowly as if he’s tasting it. “ _Son-ny_.” As if it’s something new. Something intriguing. You hear your name rolling over his tongue, being savored, and suddenly there’s heat in your cheeks.

“I like it,” he says finally.

And if Brian had smiled at you then as he does now?

You would have melted, gone starry-eyed and fallen instantly.

And Brian would have eaten you alive.

 

_______________________________________________

 

Three years ago, you would have been fresh off the break-up with Dylan, your fling in Dublin and the reason for your hasty retreat.

Coming home early would have meant you bypassed the whole Africa experience, including the emotional fiasco that was your relationship with Ali.

In that place between Dylan and Ali, you would have been hurt, but not broken. Vulnerable, but still open.

Then, like now, you would have been ripe for a rebound.

Unfortunately, back then, you wouldn't have recognized it as a rebound, and it would have all happened too hard, too fast with Brian.

If Brian had kissed you— maybe during one of those concerts down by the river or maybe afterward with your back pressed against your door— if he had cupped your face and leaned down, his lips brushing softly against yours before he pressed in harder and kissed you as he does now, full of longing and hunger and possession…

No question. Heart unchained— no Will, not yet— you would have been lost. And, to your chagrin, with minimal effort required. He would have been your Ali. Different man, same disaster.

(But that realization comes later. You were still young then in more ways than one.)

After that first kiss, it would have been settled.

Forget friends or exams. You would have been all about Brian. Hours lost in your dorm room (you would have wanted one, you think), curled around him, making love at all hours. His mouth warm on your neck, and his hands trailing softly over your skin. Only putting on clothes when it becomes absolutely necessary to leave the dorm for either class or basic sustenance.    

(It probably would have been very similar to how it’s been these past few weeks in Brian’s apartment. Except you would have been freshly in love and fully in the moment.)

From there, it would have been up to Brian. Because you would have been all in.

 

_______________________________________________

 

How does this story end?

Hmn.

Probably similar to how it actually ended with Ali.

If in true Ali fashion, then Brian— after having taken all you had to give and then some? Well, he would have grown bored of you. You’re too needy, remember? You want to spend all your time with him. You don’t understand when he wants to do things without you. You’re insecure, and you get jealous at the drop of a hat.

You have good reason. Your boyfriend is gorgeous. People perform double-takes all the time when Brian walks into a room. Sometimes, people forget you’re still there when Brian is standing next to you.

That would be (mostly) okay with you, if not for the sneaking suspicion that Brian sometimes forgets, too. It’s not all his fault. Attractive, athletic, smart, and charismatic are all the ingredients for a born extrovert. One of those big personalities that always seems to be the center of attention. Someone like Brian can act entitled without ever realizing it.

(It's funny how you never saw his resemblance to Dylan.)

You understand. You do.

But there’s a thin line between being naturally charming and outright flirting. You've tried to explain this to him, but he just accuses you of being paranoid. He’s not wrong, but still.

It gets annoying. For both of you. You fight constantly. There's a lot of angry sex up against walls, on the floor, on the counter tops. Brian growling into your neck as he fucks all his frustration right back into you. You sobbing from the pleasure-pain, pulling him in deeper as if it could be enough to knot him to you forever.

He obviously still wants you, you know he does, and that knowledge is enough to pacify you. For a while.

On your part, you’re in love, maybe really in love for the first time, and you want everything that's supposed to come with it. What’s wrong with that?

From his perspective, Brian is fresh on the scene and college offers a full buffet of potential partners. He had fun with you, but he didn't sign up for a lifetime when he first asked you out.

You wouldn't have known he felt that way. Not yet.

Not until the day when, head in the clouds and completely unprepared, you blindly walk into his apartment only to find your replacement in your bed with your boyfriend. Maybe it’s one of those handsome guys from the crew team.

The picture goes dark after that.

 

_______________________________________________

 

Or…

Maybe that’s just you being pessimistic.

Maybe Brian doesn't get bored with you. Maybe you fall in love. The real kind.

And, to everyone’s surprise, it _lasts_.

Slowly, over time, your lives become knotted together. He becomes a regular fixture at the Kiriakis mansion. Your parents, recently reunited, love him. Your mother especially once she finds out that he’s studying to become a _doctor_. Even Uncle Victor gives you an approving nod. They get along surprisingly well, probably because Brian never fails to show deference to your family patriarch. And Brian is the only one willing to discuss the stock pages with him over breakfast.

Eventually, you move in together. Not as you've done recently. The right way. He continues his medical studies and you continue your various business ventures, but always with the thought in mind that Brian is what you come home to.

It’s good. Everything is good.

Until.

Maybe two years into a relationship with Brian, just as you’re starting to seriously consider future plans for the two of you— there are still mountains out there to climb, and Brian can be a doctor anywhere— Abigail re-introduces you to her other cousin, a recently grown-up Will Horton.

And if your eyes had connected and he had smiled shyly at you and something bright and hot had bloomed in your chest even though you had a boyfriend and Will wasn't letting go of your hand and you forgot yourself for even just a moment while looking into those gorgeous blue eyes…

Well.

 

_______________________________________________

 

Or maybe nothing like that would have happened at all.

You don’t know who was in Brian’s life two years ago. He could have been involved with someone else. Even if he were technically available, maybe he wouldn’t have looked twice at you without the challenge to entice him first.

Brian isn't Ali, but he is still Brian. Brian likes a challenge. You would have been easy back then. ( _Love me, love me, love me_.)

Maybe Will was always going to pull you in regardless of right or wrong.

When you first met him, you sensed that you and Will were connected on some transcendental level. Maybe that was just you romanticizing an attraction you weren't expecting. Regardless, you felt instinctively and with ever-increasing conviction as the relationship developed that you and Will belonged to each other. A call of your soul to his. It still feels that way.

You don’t know where Brian fits in with your ideas of soul mates and fate. Because, in his own way, Brian feels inevitable, too. The attraction is inconvenient and exciting and _primal_ , and he's right there under your skin with Will. This pull is a completely different animal from the one you feel for Will, but it's there.

Or maybe that’s just you romanticizing again. What can you say? You're a romantic. Always have been. It takes a true, disappointed romantic to be as cynical as you feel these days.

Also, there is another option you haven't really considered. Go figure, but maybe three years ago you would have made a decision that had absolutely nothing to do with running away for once.

(Fancy _that_.)

After Ireland, in place of Africa _and_ Salem, you could have gathered your courage and flown back to Dubai to finally face Alex (yeah, right), and eventually it would have been someone else for all three of you. No entanglements at all. At least, not these particular ones.

The possibilities are endless really.

It’s just hard to conceive of a happy ending when, in every scenario you concoct, it always ends the same: badly. No matter which plane you board, no matter where you land. Always the same. Because nothing lasts.

Not for you.

Not for anyone you know.

With hearts traded around like playing cards, there are just too many possibilities floating around for something like fate to contend with.

 

________________________________________________________

 

You didn't meet Brian three years ago. You met him one year ago.

And it was too late to love him because you were already in love with Will. You were going to spend the rest of your life with him. Until he lied to you, and everything fell apart.  

All of these alternate paths flashed through your mind in the span of a second that night in Common Grounds. No real detail, just a half-formed thought. Because you were sad and lonely and looking to bigger hands like fate to explain why you were so miserable.

If you weren't so consumed with your own pathos, then maybe you would have given more thought to the possible consequences of you-and-Brian _now_.

Maybe you should have. But you didn't. Instead, you kissed Brian and this particular path was set.

(Africa it was. Salem it is. Will is the one you want. Brian is the one you get.)

You can mentally write and revise multiple versions of your story in search of the one that works, the one where you don’t screw it up, until you’re blue in the face. But none of it will matter if the only way out without scorched earth between you all is if you never get involved with either of them in the first place.

Because it’s a bit late for that.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Zugunruhe: the migratory compulsion in birds, but put much more poetically ("a pull of the soul to a far-off place") by Mohinder on _Heroes_.


End file.
